The World’s Oldest Burger Meets the World’s Biggest Pumpkin

Grab a seat, friends, today’s lineup includes a burger that refuses to age and a pumpkin that could probably pay rent. Just another day on planet Earth. — Doug Marlowe

Today’s Stories

A 30-Year-Old McDonald’s Burger Lives On, Somehow

Somewhere between science experiment and artifact, a Quarter Pounder bought in 1995 has reached its 30th birthday without so much as a wrinkle. Its owners, two Australians with a long memory and an even longer shelf life burger, lovingly nicknamed it the “Senior Burger.” The thing looks less like lunch and more like something you’d find in a museum gift shop. It’s a strange reminder that time comes for all of us, except, apparently, certain fast-food items. You can almost hear it whisper, “I’ll outlive you, kid.”

Over in Hampshire, twin brothers have grown a pumpkin so enormous it could moonlight as a small studio apartment. At 2,819 pounds, the gourd beat not one but two world records, including the largest circumference, an impressive 21 feet of “how do you even move that?” They call it “Muggle,” perhaps because no wizard could conjure anything this absurd. After 50 years of trying, the brothers finally took the crown, flag and all. It’s a sweet win, and a gentle reminder that some hobbies get wonderfully out of hand.

Got thoughts? Got questions? Or just need to laugh at the state of things? Hit reply, let’s shake our heads together. — Doug