Seal Walks Into a Bar. Man Swallows a $19K Necklace.

Well, friends, the world stayed weird while you slept. Today we’ve got a baby seal making last call at a bar, and a guy who tried to hide a fancy necklace the hard way. Pull up a chair, I’ll sort the mess. - Doug Marlowe

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Today's Stories

A seal galumphs into a bar. The bartender says 'Grab the salmon!'

A baby fur seal wandered into a craft beer bar in Richmond, New Zealand, then scooted under the dishwasher like it owned the place. The staff tried sweaters, a dog crate, and finally salmon to coax it out before conservation rangers arrived. Nobody was hurt, but the bar got a surprise guest who was very much not on the reservation list. It matters because wild animals keep showing up where they don’t belong, and we humans don’t always know what to do besides stare. Still, if your Sunday is slow enough that you’re negotiating with a seal over pizza toppings, you might be living better than the rest of us.

Police say a man in Auckland swallowed a $19,000 Fabergé octopus pendant to sneak it out of a jewelry store. He was caught fast, but the pendant hasn’t shown up yet, so officers are literally waiting for it to reappear. It matters because theft is getting bolder and, somehow, dumber, and stores still have to deal with the fallout. The whole thing is a reminder that real life is not a spy movie, no matter how much someone wants it to be. If you’re ever tempted to hide evidence inside yourself, maybe just… don’t.

That’s the roundup. If one of these made you laugh, groan, or do that slow head shake, you’re not alone. Hit reply and tell me what you’d file under “only in 2025.” — Doug