Hospital declares 500 people dead. They’re... not.

Today: a hospital that sends folks to the afterlife via USPS, and a state where the fridge is where common sense goes to expire. It's all real, and a little too on-brand. — Doug Marlowe

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Today's Stories

Health System Sends Letters To Over 500 People Telling Them They're Dead

A Colorado health system accidentally mailed out over 500 letters declaring patients deceased. The kicker? None of them were actually dead, just deeply confused. The hospital insists no official records were changed, which is comforting if you're into technicalities. Somewhere, a printer is resting its weary toner, thinking it was just doing its job. Paperwork may not kill you, but it can sure try.

A new study says Texans are generally cautious, until they’re face to face with a crusty jar of expired queso. Apparently, dodging risk is easy unless it’s growing mold in the fridge. Food safety experts are baffled, but Texans just call it “extra flavor.” This is the same state that deep fries butter, so maybe we shouldn’t be shocked. It’s not bravery, it’s a snack with a side of danger.

Which one had you doing the slow blink of disbelief? Hit reply, I’m reading them all. — Doug